Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
