you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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