Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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