saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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