Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
