WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it's like iHOP with fire
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
