You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
