when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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