if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
