Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
