You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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