I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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