"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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