the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
