I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I love you. Go after that dick
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
