my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
