just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
