Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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