There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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