btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
