Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
