I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Send help, water and tortillas.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
