im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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