My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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