Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
