Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
