margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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