Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
