Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my being single is dangerous.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
