well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
