her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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