I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
