In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
