apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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