Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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