dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
