I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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