I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i permit you to call me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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