And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
