He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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