It's Friday. Sex?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
