farters have to be the big spoon...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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