I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it was like eating out sand paper
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
