you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
