Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
