no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
