i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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