I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
