All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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