this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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