hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
