Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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