"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
