im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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