its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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